Love & Support

I've been avoiding this post...  first because I wanted a chance to be sure family understood what was happening and then also because, it's not something positive to write about...

3 weeks ago we went in for the Ultrasound/DNA test that would determine if there were any problems with the baby..  Downs in particular was my biggest concern.  Being almost 40, I knew the risks going in were about 1/110 for our baby to develop Downs.  There are other genetic problems the DNA test looks for, but those are not as common and were not on my radar.  There was a lot of anticipation and worry waiting those 11 days until I finally got the call.

Monday morning, Sept 30th I got the call and our baby was confirmed positive for Downs!  We also learned our baby was a boy.  I immediately left work and went home to spend the day with Derek (who had the day off already).  We were devastated..  Both of us bawled and just sat there, not knowing what to do next and how to feel, or what to say.  Although we knew it was a possibility, we had always held hope that it would not happen to us.  Surely things were going so perfectly as it was with our pregnancy and the timing of it all, that all was going to be OK and normal.  Until reality slaps you in the face and wakes you up.  The genetics counselor at the clinic was free that afternoon, so we went to talk with her in more detail about what was happening and the next steps forward.

Derek and I both knew right away that there was no choice to make and there was only one option for moving forward.  Not a decision we thought we would have to make nor want to make, but here we are and the choice is to not keep this baby and try again.  We don't loose sleep over our decision, and we don't second guess what we have to do.  But we have lost sleep over the "loss" of our current baby.  We've lost sleep over having to give up on the dreams and thoughts and life we had envisioned for this child.  I'm not happy to make this decision, please don't make that assumption.  I'm pretty scared about the upcoming steps and procedures I now have to endure to move forward.

Derek & I are very open about it, we have no problems talking to people about it and our decision if they inquire.  We talk daily with each other about it, as we still have to cope with loosing our first pregnancy and trying to stay positive to move forward.  We go in on the 18th for an amnio..  basically they insert a needle into my belly and withdraw fluid from inside the babies sac.  They will run tests on that fluid to confirm Downs again is detected.  The DNA test we took is 99.99% accurate with ZERO false positives reported, so there is basically no chance the initial test we took is wrong.  But for ease of mind, we will do the amnio as suggested and move forward from there.

What we are looking forward to is trying again!!  We will be meeting with my Dr this week to talk to him about whats going on and when it will be safe to try.  The sooner the better.  :)  We have realized also just how badly we want this family and a baby so we will not give up and can only hope that mother nature will be kinder to us the second time around.  We LOVE and APPRECIATE all the love and support we have felt from our family and friends during this.  My guess is moving forward, we wont be quite so quick to share the information about our pregnancy until we know we have a clean bill of health on BabyF8!!   It will be hard to contain since I still swear that time slows down when you are pregnant.